after Flann O’Brien

by Anonymous, Longford

When your heart feels very strange and your leg it will not rest,

And you are feeling a trifle frisky,

There’s a piece of advice that you must remember best:

IF ONE’S EYEBROW BE ITCHY, YOU WILL BE DRINKING WHISKEY.

The upset tum and the fevered brow are very frightful travails,

But a remedy that will work briskly:

A generous sup of flat 7-up will cure what ails, but

IF ONE’S EYEBROW BE ITCHY, YOU WILL BE DRINKING WHISKEY.

Itches descend and they truly offend without reason,

So commit to your memory this key:

A hale and a hearty cure no matter what the season:

IF ONE’S EYEBROW BE ITCHY, YOU WILL BE DRINKING WHISKEY.